I.. bitch to much. Hah. Or I used to. Hmm.. birds? Birds. I haven't seen much lately.. just a few here and there in buildings. I am always feeling worthless.

I bought a crystal orb. =D and some arctic silver epoxy. how fun is that!

I hate cream cheese!! I want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich right now. mm'hmm that sounds good.

My friend is using my razer boomslang. So i'm stuck with his crap laser mouse.

I hate lasers!!

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I stand.

sometimes you forget what it is to be able to hold someone until circumstances haul a flood of memories with them. i didn't realize i missed it...how nice it is...

the one in a million woman i'm looking for hasn't made herself apparent yet...i'm still waiting, and she's late!

why is the sunburn on your nose so harsh?! i'm starting to peel, and i think i really torched my nose...but the rest of my face is almost better...weird...

i want to be a better musician...if only i could play 24/7...

katy ate lunch...that's what katydid...

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v@caman
---http://www.extractionpoint.com/~vacaman

"note to self: no one cares. your voice is average" - jets to brazil

i swear i'll have some kind of break down if i see one more message explicitly stating or implying that love sucks... if you've ever been in love you have absolutely no regrets about it. you may regret millions of actions and reactions and words and all sorts of nonsense but i can't imagine anyone regretting the way they felt when everything was working well. there's always the chance that i'm wrong and love isn't an intense feeling of unity with something outside of oneself but bear with my definition for just a moment and if i'm wrong, please someone show me the error in my thought.

not gonna proofread that... should be nice and nonsensical. but oh well, on to fun topics: anyone remember they're first kiss? i don't really remember the act so much as the way i felt. it was so very awkward, yet not so awkward as to make me to stop, ever. i guess it's because i was so old when i finally got around to doing it. oh well, even though years have passed since that night, i still feel really uncomfortable yet excited when i think about it. eh, i'm no wordsmith... perhaps someone else will have a better tale

MUAHAHAHAHA

i am done with the hell hole that is school!!

speaking of love.. i finished that paper finally.. will post my definition soon..

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"I have a crazy idiosyncracy. Its affinity to serendipity and this eternal epiphany no hypocracy or duplicity"
Post comment? http://www.livejournal.com/~anna118k

What I want to do is shoot my step dad. An idiot who knows nothing about me. Asked if I was a sophomore when I'm a junior. Says I have no repect for others. Maybe if he would give me respect. Says I don't care. How would he know? Pff my parents don't even know when I was last happy. All they fucking ever do is go on their fucking trips to hawaii. Leaving me here. All they do is feed me bullshit about how they want me to do good and how they say I am smart. no one fucking knows. i wake up bitter because of all the shit i have to see. who cares what happens to me. the last person i trusted left me for dead. i can't even take comfort in myself, i can't even trust myself, i've never seen anythning good in myself. who the fuck cares. tons of people have it worse then me. ever since melissa all i've wanted to do was to make someone happy and i failed at that. when is the last time i was complimented? oh joy i might be good at a few things on the computer. nothing to be proud of anyone can do it. everything i tried i just suck at. the people i do have feelings for just seem to ignore me.

no one has ever seen tears roll down my face, no one has ever seen me have compassion, no one has ever seen me be human. i don't show anyone cause no one wants to see that. n one wants to see my pathetic side. people don't to see those things about me. i don't care what happens to me. i want to feel peace. i want to be somewhere silent and serene. i want to walk away. i want to be happy. i want to be able to think without bitterness, without anger, without people clouding my mind. i just want to escape. i don't know of a way to set myself free. my wings have yet to work. and i'm stuck inside i box i built.

the person i kinda have feelings for.. i am unsure of now. nothings clear.

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I stand.

the summer is here....

my exams are here...

im going to fuck up my english a level exam, end up getting a shit grade, and end up getting rejected by universities because of it...

dammit...

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*cough cough splutter splutter hack hack choke choke*

yeah i know the feeling phreak. now we've been in education for over 10 years you just want it to be over and don't give a fuck what you get.

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You are a girl. And you are a girl with as much talent for disguise as a giraffe in dark glasses trying to get into a polar-bears-only golf club.

ugh i'm hungry. i fell asleep and my parents went out to eat without me again. today.. i was like bleh. so i left one of my classes ad walked around the halls and ran into amber. she asked what was wrong.. and i was like.. uh.. so we walked around a little. she shoves me a lot.. so she was like lets leave. since she has early release she was already leaving.. but i skipped business law. not doing anything anyway.. its the end of the year. all they did was watch liar liar. so.. we went to her house and talked a little. being "depressed" as she said. we just talked.. then went to the gorcery store.. while sho bough a small strawberry milk and a small bag of chips. this whole time i only exchange a few words. i never know what to say and i'm afraid of what i want to say will.. push her away from me. on the way to my house.. we didn't talk much.. i kept looking at her and was like bah.. so she dropped me off.. she had to work.. but i enjoyed just bing in her company. she always makes me laugh and makes me feel good. i like the way she talks to me and yells at me and shoves me around.. heh. later in tthe day people i knew were like "did amber take you home?? thats what we thought..blah blah." i like amber.. a lot.. i enjoy being around her.

hmm.. i am so hungry.. i worked on my site.. but not really cause i just added some stuff.

i want to be able to watch the trees sway and see the clouds roll past everything. now everything is turning pink from the sun. i'm always alone.. but i prefer it that way. i enjoy my solitude and being able to watch the sky and everything outside. its calming. today it rained.. and i was standing in it for a while. i was wet all day.. rain.. is good.

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I stand.

okay, you talk about how how you like being around her and all why dont you take a chance with her then?? if you like her alot and all you should at least try.

i am 18, and this is my last year of high school, i aint bragging but, you have to have a government class to graduate. Well, i have all of my important classes except for economics and government class (they are important) ihave all of my credits. the problem is i aint passing gov't at the moment. i have like a 66.3 and i have less than 2 weeks, well more like week and half to pull it up. well i turn in this project i should be at a passing grade. I get letters sometimes twice a week saying i aint passing and says i dont study i dont try i fail the tests we take, and seems like i dont try. the teacher has no idea how hard i try in her class, and now i have mom telling me you should be doing this instead of that and all..everytime i ask the guidance counselor about scholarships and all, she brings my grades up and talks about how i need to study and take better notes. i study hard. i have all the notes. so i left out 3 sentences in my notes and then she is like you arent taking proper notes. that is a bunch of BS.

when i come home i put up with alot. problems at home, then have to hear mom talk about the report she got on my grade in the mail, then i have so much to do, i have to buy flowers for mayday, i have to know my dance steps for the dance, then i have prom, which i am not sure still whether to go to mine or ask my b/f to sign me up at his prom, i dont have my car right now, its messed up. sits out in the driveway. i havent drove my car in over 4 to 5 months now. my uncle said he could fix the throw out barrien on it YEah right!! he dropped the transmission like i dont know how many times, then he ripped the boot on the car, so i have to replace that. messed up the new throw out barrien. mom spent over a $100 on parts and tools to fix the car with and it sits out in the driveway, everything un hooked. which i mean things under the hood are not connected to the transmission. all the other parts he took off are in the trunk. it what really got me was mom didnt listen to me when i said have a professional fix the car. now she regrets it b/c she knew i was right from the start. soooo...that's about it i guess.

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"There is a land I've been told
A place for you and I
Where we will walk along that far
And distant sky"

PART THREE - PART FOUR - PART FIVE
you are currently at what is marked in RED